visit

last night before off to sleep, me and my sister made bed time story within us. all I have done to her  so far were yelling screaming judging fighting xoxo but deep down I love her so much. terus gua emang gak kuat gitu kan kena bantal, jadi gak lama ngobrol gua udah gak sadarkan diri. bangun dan diajakin ziarah ke ua. Ua is Tante. she died in 2014. when I was young till kinder garden, I used to play at Ua’s house much. our house was about 100 meters away. she only has a daughter that 8 years older than me which I called Ka Utet. maybe Ua was so lonely because when ka Utet started hanging out with friend instead of Ua and Bapa Tua (Ua’s husband), so she used to called just to ask me and brother playing around at her house. in 2014, I was in my second year of college. I still remember one afternoon a week before Ua died. Mom called me crying that she’s in bad term. Ua was known of having problem with heart since years ago. I was in a meeting at campus. one week after that phone call, it was 8 in the morning, and I was still sleeping after having a long night studying for exam that afternoon. mommy was crying really bad “Ka Iyut, Ua udah gak ada.” I got head rush, tried to pull myself together, I hold myself to not to cry on the phone. I couldn’t be at her side at her very last time. sorry Ua I didn’t make time for you. I spent a lot of time with her when I was young. she loves shopping and never forget to buy me one everytime she shopped. she always polished my nails with different colours. I remember when my teacher said “Ruth besok dihapus ya kalo ke sekolah.” I didn’t even care, I didn’t cleaned them, I loved them. she brought me in to office’s vacation which only for employee’s main family. I remember the time we walked under umbrella in a very hot sunny day, she held my hand gently. she always asked “Ua cantik gak? lebih cantik mana sama Mama?” after doing make up for herself, I loved watching her doing make up. she knew how to dressed. the time Mama hung the phone, I couldn’t hold my tears anymore. I told myself that I have to do this only exam left very well. I remember the time when she always told people that my grades were great. that’s why I have to hit that noon very well. after the exam, I went to my dorm and cried unconciously waiting for Dad to pick me up. it was a long ride to reach home. it was real, she’s gone, so many people in my Ua’s house. I stepped my feet in and saw her very beautiful, laying, not making any move, I touched her hand, she’s cold. I touched her face, she was stiff. she’s really gone😭so today we made a visit to your 4-year-to-go-house, Ua. how are you Ua? I miss you so badly.